I have written this post over and over again. The only commonality between everything I've written in the past month is the following sentence.
I am okay.
I am okay.
At Temple Square, my district leader would begin our meeting each week the same way. After a hymn and word of prayer, one sister was asked to share with the district her favorite thing about being a missionary, and then her favorite thing about being a missionary at Temple Square. My last week there, it was my turn to share. I was unable to because, right before it was my turn, I recieved my itinerary, and had to leave to pack for my flight which was a mere 18 hours away.
If on that day, I had stayed in the meeting and shared, I do not know what I would have said. In hindsight though, I know exactly what I would say now if I was asked.
First, my favorite part about being a missionary. I love love. That's what it is all about. I met people from all over the world and was able to tell them that they have a Savoir. I was able to share something that means the world to me. I had the opportunity to introduce people to the love I was able to feel and recognize at age 8. A pure, all encompassing love.
First, my favorite part about being a missionary. I love love. That's what it is all about. I met people from all over the world and was able to tell them that they have a Savoir. I was able to share something that means the world to me. I had the opportunity to introduce people to the love I was able to feel and recognize at age 8. A pure, all encompassing love.
Secondly, my favorite aspet of serving in the Utah Salt Lake City Temple Square Mission. Easy. What I loved most about Temple Square was the people. I love Sister Tsang and our hour long companionship inventories, the lessons we taught together, her love for pasta, and the little notes we would sneak into each others scriptures. I love Sister Turro and Sister Melone and the songs the would sing me. I love Sister Mahoney, and how she would celebrate anything and everything with me, from Valentine's Day to Chinese New Year. I love Sister Kuo and how she called me "her Texan." I love Sister Hadsik, and how we clicked within seconds of meeting each other. I love Sister Ficquet. I loved stealing her nametag, sneaking bites of her delicious food, and writing her apology notes (for stealing her nametag and eating her food.) I love my MTC class. Sister Sami, and her famous hugs. Sister Ng, her contagious smile and her incredible sense of style (she taught me how to rock the 'top button swag'). Sister Chillan, Sister Leas and how they both were always checking on me, and looking out for me. Sister Lysy and Sister George, they both always knew exactly what I needed to hear. Sister Castillo and how she was so patient with me when she taught me new words in Spanish. Needless to say, Temple Square is a tight-knit mission. In the short amount of time I was there, I was able to develop a profound love for so many Sisters.
These past few weeks have been overwhelming to say the least. I don't know what I'm doing here or why. To describe my self as lost is an understatement considering how I sometimes feel as though I am wandering about the place I grew up in.
That being said, I genuinely love being here. Right now, for some reason, I am supposed to be here. Yes there are hard days, and I hope and pray that you don't see me when those do happen (for those of you who have, I'm sorry. ) I have days where getting out of bed feels impossible, and others when I can galavant around downtown all day long.
A lot of people know, about three weeks ago my foot/ankle/ leg was put in a cast. Which means I will spend a minimal nine more weeks here. With this news, questions (and assumptions) have arose. Specifically, whether or not I will be returning to Our Lovely Temple Square. My answer is this: I honestly do not know, but I have hope.
I wish that I could tell you that I wake up every morning, look out the window and know with a surety that someday soon I will look out my window and see one of the most beautiful edifices that the world has ever seen, but I can't. I only see where I am supposed to be at this moment.
The thought that the answer might be that I need to stay here, and not return, really scares me. However I know that if it is God's will, I will be okay. I have hope that things will workout.
So right now, I am not focused on what day I want to be back by, or what I will do if I end up staying. I am focused on the good days that I mentioned earlier. On people that I love. I am focused on my health.
I understand that things like the Stanely Cup, Disney movies, jazz festvals, shopping, and my favorite magazines have no eternal significance, but they are things that I enjoy. They take a little bit of the sting out of the bad days.
And don't even get me started on the people
(My girls, of course. Above- Erin, Kelly, Daniella Below-Bekah and Emilyn)
Brittany, furrowed brow and all!
and this kitten!
Plus my mom, but for some reason, she doesn't take selfies with me. (...awkward, I know)
It has been a huge blessing to be here while I figure out another aspect of my health. I am grateful for my amazing doctors and parents who have been so patient with me as we have tried to get me entirely gluten, corn, MSG, GMO, and soy free on top of all of the other things that I am not supposed to eat. It hasn't been easy but it would be impossible without their advice and support.
Long story short, I'm home. I'm happy. I am so blessed and I know that I am going to be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment