it's me again

This isn't one of those "what I learned this week posts" I have an entire book for that. (But we'll get to that in a second). This is my attempt to express exactly who I am at this moment.

My name is lex. I'm a blogger, who is writing a book with her best friends about what they've learned in college. I am a student who weirdly loves coding.  I am a daughter, who snapchats her mom more than she calls her. I am a sister who doesn't keep as good as contact with her siblings as she should. I am a friend who fears vulnerability and trust, just as much as she craves it. I love music more than I could ever express. Mountains scare me and so do deer.  I'll do almost anything if you dare me to do it. I am decent at a lot of things but I'm great at pretty much nothing. I have an opinion about everything. I never thought I could make a town as small as Logan, my home. I sometimes snore. I think that I like being single more than I should. I hate driving but I love summer drives. Empty journals and gel pens make my heart soar.  When I was in high school, I loved taking photographs of buildings but now I love taking photos of people.

I love being right. I love winning. My heart pumps potential energy and passion through my body. I thrive under the right amount of pressure, I am terrible with authority figures. My wardrobe consists of black, blue, and gray striped shirts, leggings, and a jacket that looks like it is made out of tin foil. Moments are my lifeblood. I think sunrises are so romantic. My love life consists primarily of intrigue and 'almosts'. I see beauty in pain. When I feel trapped, I run.  I get overwhelmed easily in social situations. I would walk through fire for the people I love.

Right now, I am the happiest I've been since I moved to Utah last March. It's liberating. I'm not content with who I am right now. I have a long way to go, but I am getting there. I am not content with being completely authentic because you can't be 100% true to yourself and still grow. You have to stretch, it has to hurt at least a little bit. I'm ready though.