Honestly, I am still working on that but I have found a few ways to keep me turning outward.
The first thing is something that I began doing on my mission.On the day I got hurt, I tore out a sheet of paper from my notebook and titled it, "I am grateful for this trial because...." I began making a list, in an effort to do what Dieter F. Uctdorf spoke of in the April 2014 General Conference. (read his full address here). He said, "Could I suggest that we see gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation? In other words, I’m suggesting that instead of being thankful for things, we focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be." That day I could only write one reason but as the days (and weeks) went forward, I added more and more as I became more grateful in the circumstance that I found myself in. I kept my list in my Book of Mormon and I tried to add to it, or at least read through it when I was feeling down.
The second way is prayer. I have been trying to make my prayers more meaningful and truly account for my day to the Lord. A few weeks ago, in Relief Society, Sister Diaz spoke of a challenge that was once issued to her; to pray for 30 minutes straight. She shared her experience with that, and I decided to set that as a goal for myself. I couldn't do it at first, but I saw the change in my prayers and I worked towards that goal. It wasn't really about the amount of time. What mattered was the focus, and thought that I was putting into my prayers. Within days I felt the difference. I was able then to notice the Lord's hand in the smaller, aspects of my life. I also saw an increase in ability to recognize and meet the needs of others.
Life is hard. Missions are hard. Every missionary has a moment or two where they wonder why. Why do we put our lives on hold to move away from our family and friends to live with a stranger in a new place and work as hard as we can with little to show for it? As missionaries we have so many opportunities to turn inward, whether it be over a disobedient companion, investigators who don't want to keep commitments, when leaders put seemingly unfair pressure on you, or many other problems you encounter. For me it was the question of, "Why would God bother to call me on a mission just to send me home six weeks later?" Moments like these are not just applicable to missionaries, sometimes we receive callings that we don't quite understand or even enjoy, we get frustrated with family, or wonder about why we are commanded to live the way we do. When you have moments like these, as we all do, there is one thing that has always helped me. Next time that you have one of these experiences, recite the following account and I know that you will understand why. "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me….When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!"
When you give this account, whether it is to yourself or to others, you will know that whatever it is that trying you, it's worth it. We serve missions because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and because of what happened that day, we now have full access to that Atonement. This one event teaches us so much about the nature of God. For me it is proof that God knows us, He loves us, and He answers prayers. Christ spent every moment of His life turning outward.
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