Yesterday afternoon during the 186th annual general conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Dallin H. Oaks taught something that I believe in and have come to know over the past 13 months. He said, "Through all mortal opposition we have God's assurance that He will consecrate our afflictions for our gain."
I have said it before and I'll say it again. God didn't push me down that flight of stairs. I fell because of gravity, physics, compromised strength and a dash of clumsiness. God didn't send me home from my mission. I sat down and counseled with a loving mission president and then I chose to return home to receive the much needed medical attention. After my first surgery God did not break the stitches, endangering me of serious infection. God does not manipulate, injure, or interfere. He consecrates. I have seen and felt that in my life in so many ways. He takes bad situations and makes them worth it. To consecrate is to pronounce something sacred. This has been kind of hard to wrap my head around. But I see it like this:
The last year has been the so hard and there are moments from it that I do not think I will ever share with anyone because I do hold them sacred. Moments of complete vulnerability and days where I truly didn't know if I would ever feel peace or happiness ever again. The sacred part was not how low I sank but how I came to be okay again.
Back home I taught a group of young women at church. I frequently updated them on my attempt to become a gardener, something I've wanted for a long time now, and we would discuss spiritual parallels. For example, if I want my green bean plant to grow I have to put in effort. I have to plant it in good soil. I have to water it. It also needs adequate sunlight, so I must make sure it is in a proper place to receive that. Even after all of that, I don't just have green beans for dayz. I can't just look to the heavens crying about how hard I worked on taking care of my green bean plant. I have to give it time. How often do we forget that for ourselves? We think about how we are doing everything we are supposed to and wonder why nothing has changed for us. Like my green beans, we need time.
I know, easier said than done. Let me tell you, I'm going on 14 months now and my spiritual garden is just starting to sprout. But 6 months ago I felt like I was just a pile of wet dirt. I know that even when it doesn't feel like it, there is always hope. So if you feel like you're doing everything you can and things still are not working out, don't be too hard on yourself. Give it time. I know it will be alright.
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